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You Eat It, You Log It

22 Jan

Hello there! Sorry for the lack of posts the last few days but I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather but it’s back to the grind today!

For the past few days, I’ve been trying hard to log what I’ve been eating every day. When I was in my eating program at school, my dietician was always asking for my food journal when I went to see her and most of the time, it was never completely filled in. I was really bad about it because I felt like it took so much time. It did, however, make me feel better about my food intake on the days that I DID fill it out. Seeing as how I’ve been a bit anxious the past few weeks with my eating, I finally caved and figured I’d give it another go. (To read my post about my recovery, click HERE.)

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Baby Beluga in the Deep Blue Sea

15 Jan

Good morning! As I said yesterday, here’s the second part to my weekend adventure with Mom. If you missed the first part, you can find it HERE.

After a late breakfast Sunday morning, Mom and I headed over to Mystic Aquarium which was right around the corner from our hotel. I hadn’t been since the fifth grade on a class field trip but I was beyond excited because I absolutely LOVE beluga whales. They’re just too cute!

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Lady Luck

14 Jan

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Mom and I took advantage of her rare weekend off to finally celebrate our December birthdays with a trip down to Mystic, Connecticut. I had been to this quiet seaside town when I was younger to visit their aquarium but hadn’t been back since. Friday night, after Mom got home from work, we drove down and grabbed some dinner before settling in for the night. She had quiet a weekend planned for us. Continue reading

Cousins Shopping Day

4 Jan

Let me start this post by saying if you haven’t been to a Disney Store, please do yourself a favor and go. The minute you walk into the store you can’t help but smile and your day just seems a bit better…or at least that’s how I felt yesterday after my first visit. After getting a few gift cards at our family Christmas party, my cousin and I set out to the mall to pick up some new things. Although we didn’t have much luck with the shopping, we mad a point to stop at the Disney Store before leaving. My heart INSTANTLY melted. I felt like a little kid again. I was instantly drawn to all the Monsters, Inc. stuff because it is one of my favorite movies. I mean, how cute is this coffee mug?

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Lunch

It was hard to stop myself from spending money. After wandering around for a bit and finding more things that I will be adding to my Christmas and birthday lists next year, we stopped by a Chinese food place for a late lunch. We were absolutely famished by the time we arrived and as always, the food hit the spot. We both decided to order the beef and broccoli which was delicious.

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We hit a few more stops before both heading home to take much needed naps.

Workout

My workout for the night was a bit frustrating if I do say so myself. Although I like the gym that I go to, it’s on the smaller side so with all of the people who joined for part of their New Year Resolutions, it’s a tight squeeze. Thankfully, my workout was rather short. It was also the start of my second week of the Slim and Sculpt Program (mentioned here). After a quick five minute warm up on the treadmill, I hit the weights doing squats, dead lifts,  bench presses and rows leaving me VERY sore, but feeling accomplished this morning! Hopefully this second week of the program will be even better than last week!

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Hope you all have a great morning! Look out for another post later on today!

Happy New Year/Holiday Recap

2 Jan

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic holiday and were able to spend time relaxing with family and friends. That’s the best part of this season after all. As for me, the month of December was INSANELY busy. I finished my last semester at LSU and I will now be transferring to start nursing at a school closer to home which is exciting. Finals went well and it’s been nice to be home relaxing. The last week was filled with holiday parties and New Years of course which was wonderful. I had a chance to catch up with people I hadn’t seen in ages and spend some much needed quality time with my parents and brother.

Our Christmas Tree

Our Christmas Tree

Even Oreo was in the Christmas spirit and filled in as Santa if only for a little while.

Santa Kitty

Santa Kitty

It’s definitely been a huge adjustment being home but in a good way…although I am already a little tired of the snow. Waking up this morning, I saw that the low for the day was 3º….yes. THREE DEGREES! I haven’t seen temperatures like that since I was in high school. I was hoping for a winter like last year where there was hardly any snow and it stayed in the forties but alas, it won’t be that kind of winter. We’ve already have two snow storms since I got home and my duck boots have had plenty of loving.

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Workouts

With my move back home, I also decided to make some changes to my workouts which maybe one of the more exciting changes for me. After trying out a few workout programs, I was having a hard time sticking to them because they rotated the same workouts throughout the week. Then, I came across Carrie’s WordPress. I was instantly hooked and decided that after Christmas I would try out one of her workout programs. After purchasing the program, she sends you the package with all the info and offers help and advice throughout the 12 weeks of the program. I am currently trying out the Slim and Sculpt Program.

Unlike most of the other programs I have tried, this one is done in phases so that every four weeks, your workout routine changes. Although I’ve only done the first week, it’s definitely been keeping my attention. I look forward to going to the gym to see what the workout for the day entails. I definitely don’t think this is the last FitChick program that I’ll be doing.

Stretching out after Day 3

Stretching out after Day 3

Today’s workout was an interval day so I completed PBFingers Quick ‘n’ Sweaty 20 Minute Interval workout which kicked my butt. I was definitely a sweaty mess when I hopped of the treadmill. After, I completed day four of the 60 Day 6-Pack Promise App and headed home to whip up some dinner!

Dinner

I was extra hungry when I got home from the gym. I have been craving sweet potatoes a lot lately so I tried my hand at making baked sweet potatoes which turned out well. I had my potato along with a few pan browned chicken tenders and brown rice which certainly hit the spot. Dinner was followed up by a few pieces of chocolate while I curled up with Oreo to read for a while.

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I hope you all have a wonderful night and a lovely rest of this short work week!

P.S. I updated the fashion page

(How do you guys like the new look??)

Happy Election Day!

6 Nov

I hope everyone who had the opportunity to get out and vote today took advantage! It’s such an amazing freedom and I was so excited to vote for the first time….although I had already voted four weeks ago! I had to absentee vote because I am in Louisiana and can’t possibly make it home to Massachusetts on election day. I was pretty sad that I didn’t get a sticker because of my early voting but I’m sure I’ll get one next election! As for right now, I am just watching the numbers come in on TV with friends and catching up on a bit of homework. It’s a bit crazy trying to focus on both politics and Astronomy!

As for the rest of my day, it was pretty uneventful. I am coming down with another cold so I skipped the gym and instead took a nice long walk around the lake. It was a cool day in Baton Rouge which made it an absolutely amazing walk. After I returned from my 4.2 mile walk, I did a few planks and crunches before prepping dinner. I made a romaine salad with a Boca Chik’n Patty, red bell peppers, onions and yummy Russian dressing. Yum yum!

Well I hope you all have a wonderful night and an exciting rest of the week!

If You Don’t Like The Weather, Wait Five Minutes

31 Oct

I grew up in an area of the country that, on occasion, can have some of the most bizarre weather patterns you can think of. There’s a saying in New England that “if you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.” I was reminded of this phrase a lot this week as the weather went from comfortably warm to arctic in just a few days. As I was walking to class yesterday, I felt as though I had somehow been transported back home to Massachusetts because it was FREEZING. That’s not exaggerating either. At 36 degrees, it was about as cold as I have ever seen in Baton Rouge but I realized that there are some things that I associate with cold weather that I miss dearly. Here are a few…

 

1. Drinking hot things without feeling like you are going to burst into flames. 

This is a big one for me because as a lover of all things containing caffeine.  I have a hard time trying to drink a coffee on my way to class when it is breaking into the 90s. It’s far from my ideal of sipping on a cup of steaming coffee or hot chocolate while bundled up in all sorts of winter gear.

My sixth coffee after pulling an all nighter to study

2. I actually know how to dress for this weather!

When I first got to LSU, I found that it was hotter than the surface of the sun. I had never experience this kind of heat or humidity and it was miserable. All of the clothes that I had brought from home were essentially useless and I quickly learned that the only way to survive the heat is shorts and a tank. Although I don’t necessarily get dressed up for class (I usually rock Nike shorts and a tank top), I like having the OPTION to do so. Take yesterday for example. After pulling an all nighter to study for an Organic test, I was excited to throw on my (ahem) dusty riding boots, a pair of jeans and a flannel. It was like being back home.

Nothing like getting to wear fall and winter clothes

3. It makes crawling under the covers before bed the best part of the day.

There is nothing I love more than finally getting to go to sleep on chilly days and shaking the chill. I especially love throwing my comforter or pillows in the dryer for a few minutes before bed so that they are extra extra warm. The only downside to this one is waking up in the morning and talking yourself into getting out of bed which can be pretty challenging.

Who knew it even got this cold in Louisiana?!

 

As you can see, the weather is certainly going to be a little more reasonable this week but I’m not getting too comfortable. Before I know it, I’ll be back in Massachusetts hoping that spring and summer come earlier than expected! Hope you’re all having a wonderful Halloween and a great week!

The Challenges Only Make You Stronger

3 Oct

I’ve been hesitant to put this post up because for the most part, I would like to keep this blog as positive as possible even though somedays, it’s hard to do. My life isn’t always happy or perfect and for the most part, I find a lot of days incredibly challenging to deal with largely because of my eating disorder. I also planned on keeping most of my eating disorder talks away from this blog but for some people, it may in fact help people understand the situation I am in or why some of my workouts are so intense. After trying to think of a way to talk about my eating without having it seem like word vomit, I came across this list which seemed like a good way to talk about the issues with guiding questions. Originally, the list is from Tumblr and although it’s a thirty question list, I am going to answer ones that I think are the most important so here goes nothing.

What eating disorder are/have you struggled with?

I have struggled with both bulimia and anorexia but by far, the first is the worst of the two and has been the most detrimental to my body in the past nine years that I have dealt with these problems. The restricting that goes with anorexia comes and goes but the need to purge in some form, whether it be excessive exercise, laxatives or vomiting is always in the back of my mind following a meal.

What are factors that contributed in your choice to recover? 

I was very reluctant to enter treatment in the first place because for most of the time that I have had these problems, they have gone unnoticed by close friends and family, at least up until last September when the restricting and purging caught up with me, forcing me to put school on the back burner and take a year off from college to address the issues. At first, treatment was the appease everyone around me. I half-assed the process and didn’t care if I lied to my therapists about how I was doing because at the end of the day, my eating disorders were my comfort and I needed them, or so I thought. The change finally came when I had others genuinely show concern for my wellbeing and remind me about all the goals that I have in life and how they would be unattainable is I continued on the path I was on. I used that as my motivator as well as reading stories about other people’s recovery. Specifically, I read Amanda Beard’s biography In The Water They Can’t See You Cry which really hit me hard and made me realize I wasn’t the only person who had the problem (as it sometimes feels) and that things can get better.

Create a list of all the negative things your eating disorder has given you.

Loss of friends, injuries, headaches, stomachaches, zero confidence, stress, failing grades (on occasion), exhaustion, depression, uncontrolled weight loss/gain, bad skin, ruined relationships…I could continue for days.

Do you believe you can ever fully recover from an eating disorder? Explain.

No. I believe that having an eating disorder is like being an alcoholic. You are always in recovery no matter how hard you try. You don’t forget about your habits or your urges even when you learn how to better maintain them or avoid them. They are always there. There is always the chance that you could slip up and there are days that are going to be incredibly difficult when you look in the mirror. I truly believe that in order to be healthy and happy, recovery needs to continue beyond the point where you are “cured.” Just like most other mental illnesses, there is no magic cure or easy way out. You can’t take medicine and get rid of the problem but you can continue to work towards you goal or maintain all of the hard work you have done.

How do your friends and family feel about your eating disorder?

For my family, it scares them to know how out of control it can get, especially when they realize that for the majority of the year, I live 1,600 miles away where they can’t actually see the changes in my weight. Phone calls do little to comfort them as I’ve become good at hiding how my eating is affecting me and lying about my eating habits, neither of which I am proud of. However, regardless of how much it scares them, they have been there the whole way with me tackling the issue head on which is the extra help that I think I’ve always needed to really start my recovery. As for friends, I feel as though most of them aren’t sure how to deal with that information. It’s not a comfortable topic to talk about as I can get very confrontational and protective about my habits so I find that most friends walk on eggshells around me or avoid the topic entirely unless I bring it up.

Has your eating disorder ever held you back from something? If so, explain.

Being happy is a big one for me. For the most part, my eating disorder has led me in the past to self-sabotage relationships and friendships. It has held me back from getting spectacular grades all the time as it’s impossible to even get out of bed some mornings. Running races has become a hard goal to attain because the lack of food in my system makes long runs on the verge of impossible. It makes me incredibly self-conscious in crowds and I’m constantly uncomfortable about my looks. On the other side of this, there are plenty of things that I have done despite my eating disorder. For example, I moved 1,600 miles away from home to go to college and made new friends who are incredible people inside and out. I’ve opened up and been honest with a lot of people in the past who I use to shut out but now eagerly let into my personal bubble.

Describe your goals for your future.

I think, like most other people who suffer from eating disorders, I would like to be happy in my own skin and be comfortable eating any food item without having to cancel it out later. I would like to stop spending money on multiple gym memberships and laxatives. I would like to be able to go out and eat with friends without feeling guilty after. I’d like to enjoy eating instead of viewing it as a chore. I’d like to stop comparing myself to every girl that I walk by or see at the gym and appreciate the fact that every size is beautiful in its own way. I’d like to have a healthy relationship where my eating doesn’t turn me into a saboteur. I’d like to have children and be able to deal with my post-baby body in a healthy way instead of resorting to bad habits. I’d like to become a doctor (hopefully a surgeon) but take time on the side to do more research into the causes of these all-consuming diseases that so many men and women suffer from.

Where were you in terms of your eating disorder 6 months ago?

I was completely against any form of treatment. Although I was seeing a therapist weekly, I would often cancel appointments and tell her that I needed to work or that something came up and I wouldn’t be able to make my session. My parents were still largely in the dark about my problem and the nuances of it. Although they would ask me daily about what I had eaten, people were so rarely around when I ate that it was easy to lie to them about my daily nutrition. I was on a roller coaster when it came to managing my feelings about my eatings with my relationship and would often take out bad days with my eating on my then boyfriend, breaking up with him or arguing with him over some trivial issue. I felt even though I had done little to change where I was with my disorder, I was ready to come back to LSU which I am now seeing was far from true. I was getting to a point where I was either going to continue to slowly kill myself or make a change which fortunately came after working at camp this summer where people convinced me to, for once, take care of myself and my health.

Eating disorders often come hand in hand with social anxiety and or depression. Explain how you feel in these situations.

I hate social settings with a passion whether it be with a few friends, sitting in a class or hanging out at the Student Union. For the most part, I get so preoccupied with looking at others and comparing myself to them that I have a hard time enjoying the people I am with or focusing on the work that I am doing. Eating in public is one of the worst as I feel like the people who know about my eating analyze every bite I take and notice whether I look at my food with disgust, while I feel jealous of people who don’t deal with these issues and look as though they can eat whatever they want. I also feel like people always know before I even tell them or sometimes even before I meet people. I feel like I have it stamped into my forehead that I deal with this problem constantly and people, before they know me or about my problem, judge me for it. As for depression, I have felt so low at points that I have just wanted to lock myself away in my room and never come out. I have gone weeks without speaking to people who were only trying to help me or, other times, hid the fact that I would go back to my apartment and just lay in bed. Depression got so intense for me last year that I went three days without getting out of bed except to go to the bathroom and missed two tests which I didn’t even have enough energy to care about. I have scared myself at times with how dark my thoughts can get but try to remind myself, even in those times, that it gets better. It may not be soon and it may not be ideal but it will be better.

What kind of treatment are you currently in and what others have you tried?

In the past I have tried therapists which have failed largely because I would go to sessions and lie about my situation. Now, I am currently in an eating disorder program that is run by the LSU Health Center in which I meet with a therapist and dietician once a week and an RN every few weeks. Each person that I meet with helps to address a part of the eating disorder such as my internal health, the emotions and feelings associated with the disease or the actual food and as a whole, begin to chisel away at the negative self-image and thoughts. So far, treatment has had its ups and downs but unlike times in the past, I am sticking with it as much as I can and not backing down no matter how hard it gets.

If you’ve made it this far then thank you for hanging in there. I think that having answered these questions, I have even reminded myself why I continue to go to treatment every week and why I am working so hard to deal with these issues that have plagued my life for the past nine years. At the end of this journey, I would like to be able to say that I didn’t end up as a bad statistic and that I instead had a successful, although challenging trip navigating this disease. It won’t be easy, it won’t be pretty and it’s far from over but at least I am headed in the right direction which is more than I can say of myself a year ago and for that, I am more proud of myself than I have ever been before.

Enjoy The Little Things

26 Sep

To say that this week has been rough would be a huge understatement but even through the tough days, I keep trying to find something that makes me smile or laugh. Today, I’ve had zero energy to do anything and have a test tomorrow which I’m far from prepared for. On top of that, my homesickness is starting to kick in a bit but luckily for me, I found the perfect, if only temporary, fix for that. The entire time I have been at LSU, I have always complained about the fact that while they claim “America Runs on Dunkin”, there is only one Dunkin Donuts in Louisiana and it was located an hour away. Being from New England, which is the birthplace of the company, I’ve always enjoyed my coffee and grew up in a place where most people literally only function after they have had their very serious fix. Here’s some perspective…in high school, my dad would make two pots of coffee which he, my brother and myself would drink before leaving the house for school and work. On my way to school, I would stop at Dunkin, wait in line for sometimes twenty minutes and then run off to school barely making the bell. Once I sat in class and had my first sip of iced coffee though, it was completely worth it. I will even admit that I was late to school some days because I needed my fix. It sounds bad, I know, but it’s just the way that most New Englanders function. Boston is another perfect example because on some corners you can find a Starbucks and directly across the street see a Dunkin.

Just for reference, here’s a map of the Starbucks and DD locations in and around Boston

Fortunately for me, DD finally came to their senses and opened a location in Baton Rouge, which for me was a godsend this week when all I could have wanted was a quick trip home which is obviously impossible in the middle of the semester. After hearing that it opened yesterday but being unable to find any information, I was disappointed until today when people started posting pictures. The location was FINALLY listed on their website and the minute I got out of my afternoon meeting and got back to my apartment, I grabbed my keys and was out the door. I knew already what I wanted and knew I would probably scare some of the new employees who expected no one to really know what they wanted but I was beyond excited. Here the thing….Was it fifteen minutes away from where I live? Yes. Did it require me getting on the highway to get a coffee and some munchkins (or donut holes for those of you unfamiliar with the DD lingo)? Yes. Did I waste most of the gas that I had in my tank to get there? Yes. But in the end, when I ask myself if it was worth it, there isn’t a moment of hesitation in saying yes.

Enjoy the little things!

Getting DD today, for me, was one of those little things in life that you absolutely have to appreciate. For almost an hour, I completely forgot the fact that I was homesick, that my week was going poorly and that I had found out a lot of things this week that I could have gone without knowing. Having something that reminds me of home made me remember that being away is only temporary and I need to push through these hard and frustrating times before I get there. It’s these kinds of times that make you a stronger person at the end of the day. I forgot momentarily about the stress and the frustrations that have plagued my week and now, as silly as it sounds, feel completely refreshed and ready to take on this test tomorrow as well as the rest of my week. Ironically enough, after getting back to campus from my trip to DD and sitting down to do some studying, I quickly opened The College Prepsters blog to see that she recently posted a Kurt Vonnegut quote which fit my situation perfectly:

From The College Prepster (Click to be taken to her site)

It seemed perfectly fitting as may even apply to some of your lives right now. With that being said, I hope you all have an amazing rest of the week and don’t take the small things that make you smile for granted. Sometimes they are the only things you have to get you through the day!

No Need to Fear!

12 Sep

I haven’t forgotten about my blog! However, I have a test every school day starting tomorrow and ending Wednesday with my first Astronomy test so I’ll be missing in action until then. I have a ton of pics to post when I get back though and tons of adventures to tell!

Until then, smile because you’ve survived the first half of this week!

Turn that frown upside down! Half the week is done!